Being a mother is the hardest and deepest challenge in the world. It brings you to points and places in life that are more complex and confusing than any other task we have been or ever will be given. It will overwhelm us with moments of orgasmic joy, ignited rage, abysmal disappointment, and emotions that are so extraordinary that they cannot be defined with words. It is an experience that defines and redefines us over and over again.
I am a single mother, which is all that and then some. I have twin 3 year old girls, and live alone in a small suburb in NJ. I work 4 jobs to pay the mortgage on a small two family home, our first. My daughters attend daycare for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week while I work, costing $1600 a month. In addition to that, I work at night on the weekends, and am extremely lucky to have a sister and parents who watch my daughters while I do. Their father is close to absent, and causes severe strain when he is not.
I first discovered the #100happydays craze a few months ago when a friend of mine accepted the challenge. After doing some research, I decided that I really liked the concept...forcing people to intentionally pursue and explicitly define what makes them happy. I thought about jumping on the bandwagon, but then quickly realized that being happy is not something that is quite so challenging for me. I am an eternal optimist, I love my profession, I have a wonderful and healthy family and great friends. I am pretty happy. There is not a day that passes that I don't experience joy and genuine pleasure in the life that I have created for myself and my daughters. The more I thought, the more I realized that while I am happy, I am also very lucky that I have a wealth of family, friends, teachers, mentors, neighbors and colleagues that are large contributors to that happiness. Furthermore...with that comes an extremely stressful schedule and 80 hour workweeks.
Time in my home is not something that we have often. The only 2-3 hours a day that my girls and I have together are at the end of long days, and are typically spent with them being occupied by some activity while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off prepping meals, doing laundry, scheduling, holding conference calls and cleaning. Mommy-daughter time is hard to come by, and one on one time with a single daughter is non existent, as I am and always will be outnumbered 2 to 1.
I decided to create my own challenge. My primary job is as a special needs teacher, and summer is coming. While I don't have 100 days off of work, I do have 65. I am setting my challenge to spend every day of my summer dedicated to quality time with my daughters. Time that is intentionally carved out for them and me to simply be together...to do the things that we are unable to do during the school year because of time and scheduling constraints...time that they will learn what the true meaning of family is...and time that I will learn how to slow down and enjoy the moment. I hope to walk away from every day with a lesson that I can take with me into the next school year when the 80 hour weeks resume.
Time is something that we will never get back. Its time for me to embrace that...and begin to live my life accordingly. Stay tuned for my learnings.
To #65QualityDays.
Challenge accepted.
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